


Inside this tattooed body

by hazelandglasz



Category: Glee
Genre: Break Up, Depression, Friendship/Love, Healing, M/M, Tattoos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-24
Updated: 2013-09-24
Packaged: 2017-12-27 12:51:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/979125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hazelandglasz/pseuds/hazelandglasz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s been years since Kurt last visited Ohio. He just wants to forget everything that happened there. Everything and everyone.</p><p>Giving up on his old life and dreams, Kurt becomes a tattoo artist, trying to make art and giving something to remember to the people coming to his shop. But he can’t find his own peace, can’t get rid of his memories, there’s no closure for him - not when he looks at the red and yellow roses on his arm.</p><p>When the person who broke his heart so many years ago comes into his shop, Kurt has to face his demons, and the man himself: Blaine.</p><p>His scars run deep under his skin, making him remember all the pain the other caused him, but maybe, just maybe, Blaine can heal those wounds.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Inside this tattooed body

**Author's Note:**

> Angie made a beautiful manip of Kurt with tattooed forearms  
> I couldn't resist  
> I tries to make researches on tattoo but since I'm not a professional tattoo artist, take with caution, writer's license etc.

* * *

"When am I going to see you, bud ?"

"Whenever you come to see me here, Dad ?"

There is a smile in his voice - at least he’s smiling. “I’ll try to come around next week-end, but —”

"But ?"

"But New York is far away, Kurt !"

"Dad —" his voice is trailing off on the vowel, stretching to maximum "annoyed" capacity.

"I know, I know" Burt chuckles, "it’s not like you’re one the other side of the country but still — it’s a different world, you gotta admit that" he adds.

"Kind of the point, Dad," Kurt replies, and there is a layer of sadness behind his cheerful tone that clutches at Burt’s heart.

He definitely is going to come and see his son as soon as he can, and Burt promises as much over the phone.

—

It’s not that he doesn’t miss his dad, or some things from Lima.

it’s just too — too painful.

All of his life, Kurt has tried to get away from Ohio and after the Break up, it felt like a final line has been crossed.

Except for his father, Kurt doesn’t want to have anything to do with anything or anyone from his past - everything reminds him off the boy he thought he would spend his life with.

When the same boy took his heart out of his chest and crumbled it in the winds because he didn’t have enough faith in them.

Oh, that would make a nice design - Kurt immediately takes his sketchbook to draw the lines of a heart scattered in pieces.

His eyes fall on his right forearm as he moves his hand and his pen. His muscles jump under the colored skin, making the two roses look like they’re moving in a breeze.

That’s the only concession he made to let some of his past in his new life.

The only thing worth remembering.

When they were still young and innocent - in every sense of the word -, when Blaine still looked at him like he couldn’t believe he had found him and when Kurt looked at Blaine like he couldn’t believe the other boy had been looking for him.

Kurt breathes through his nose, trying to keep the memories at bay, but he can’t.

He knows that he should have gotten closure, take the time of a mature discussion with Blaine and end it for good, applying the gauze to the wound to help it heal if you may.

Pun at his current line of work totally intended.

When Blaine had told him about his cheating, Kurt had lost his fighting spirit.

Getting into NYADA seemed childish and unimportant ; working at Vogue seemed superficial and void.

A month into the new year, three months after that day that Kurt wishes he could forget sometimes, he entered a tattoo parlor with a Death tarot card.

The blonde woman with simpke purple tips and a tasteful, watercolor looking tattoo on her left wrist had looked at it and smiled at him.

"Looking for a new start ?" she had said as she pulled a piece of paper to make a sketch of what it could look like as a tattoo.

Kurt simply nodded - he was looking for a rebirth, a new self, one that has been in hiding all those years if he was completely honest.

"First tattoo ?" she asked again, eyes on the paper as a design came to life. Kurt blushed as he answered, embarrassed that it was so obvious; but she simply looked up and smiled again.

More than anything, it’s that smile that comforted him.

"Don’t worry, I’m a professional," she said with a wink before turning the paper toward him. "Here - if you want colors, it would be different, of course but-"

"No colors," Kurt cut her off, before whispering an apology as he stared at the design. It’s elegant and simple, but powerful enough to make him blink.

"It’s perfect," he whispered in awe, picturing it already, black ink starkly looking on his pale skin - it’s exactly what he needed.

The tattoo itself didn’t hurt as much as he had anticipated, and the time it took to bring it to life had allowed him to talk with the artist, to learn her name - Petra - and about how all the dreams that had brought him here seemed so vain now.

As she had applied the gauze to his bicep, protecting the design, she had said slowly, as if trying not to scare him too much, that she was ready to take an apprentice, if he thought this could be a good idea.

"I never thought about being a tattoo artist," Kurt had replied as he smoothed his sleeve over the bandage.

"Do you draw ?" Petra had asked, but this was almost unnecessary, since Kurt’s sketchbook showed out of his bag.

—

For months, Kurt followed Petra’s every move, learning the different needle technique, the way to welcome a client, how to listen to what they’re saying and to what they’re communicating, the proper aftercare instructions to give and all that jazz before Petra pushed him into getting his own license, deeming him ready to go and offering him a partnership.

Kurt thrived in this field : the time spent with the clients before drawing for them a sketch of what is going to become something they’ll keep with them forever — it’s therapeutic, for them and for him as well.

Quickly, people came to see him, even from boroughs further away. Kurt has made a name for himself as a tattoo artist because he knows how to listen, how to offer ideas with his portfolio - making the necessary changes to each individual - and how to execute it quickly and beautifully.

The two roses tattoo is Petra’s parting gift when she leaves for Montauk with her boyfriend and her girlfriend - “Time to color this shit up, am I right or am i right ?” - and lets him in charge of their shop.

"You can do this, Kurt," she said as she added the sahding details "you are a good one - I’m so proud of you" she added, looking away for a moment under the pretense of changing needles, but Kurt knows her and lets her wipe away the stray tears from her eyes.

—

Business is slow - the week-end is right there around the corner, most people don’t want to spend their free time taking care of a shiny new tattoo; then again, Kurt thinks it’s the perfect time to do so, when one has the opportunity to lounge around with the tattoo uncovered by fabric and without the problem of the bacteria in the streets and - eurgh - public transports.

When the door opens, a cold wind enters along with the customer, sending a shiver down Kurt’s spine and he tightens the scarf around his neck before looking up at his new client.

"Still as fond of scarves as you were, I see".

No.

Impossible. Though his memory is still intact and there is no way to confuse this voice with another from his past.

Against all odds, it is Blaine who is standing in the shop’s doorway, a black trenchcoat over his frame. He hasn’t changed much, except that he stands taller, and his shoulders look wider - but it’s still the same sparkles in his eyes, the same shy smile that Blaine kept only for him —

That thought is like a bucket of ice on his head and he straightens his shoulders.

"What are you doing here ?" he asks, barely keeping the bite from his voice. "How did you find me ? What do you _want_ from me, Blaine ?” he finally asks, out of breath, keeping his right hand under the counter as he tries to shake the sleeve down.

"I never wanted you out of my life, Kurt," Blaine replies softly as he closes the door "I tried to contact you, to apologize, to mend what I broke but —"

"But it’s too late" Kurt says with a snap. He takes a deep breath before looking at Blaine again - God does it hurt, why is it still so painful ? - with a nod toward the door. "You saw me, I’m still alive, I still don’t want to have anything to do with you so if you’re not here for a tattoo, can you please -"

"I am here for a tattoo" Blaine cuts him short, his smile turning crooked in a playful manner - his eyes are firmly on Kurt, and his sadness is genuine, but there is now a glint of satisfaction at managing to cut Kurt in his tirade.

"-leave — What ?" Kurt finishes his sentence before opening wide eyes. "You ?" he says, cocking one eyebrow at Blaine. "You want a tattoo ? Isn’t that going to be a problem for casting directors ?" he can’t help but add as an attempt at mocking the other man.

Blaine lets out a deep laugh that takes Kurt by surprise. “Not a lot of auditions required when you work in an auction house - well, once you passed all the interviews that is” he adds as an afterthought.

Kurt feels like his jaw is on the floor. “You didn’t go to NYADA ?” he asks even though the question is fast becoming rhetorical.

Blaine shakes his head and starts taking off his coat. He’s wearing a sweater much like Kurt’s, dark red and v-neck, which does wonder for his chest. He clearly developped that part of his body, but his waist is just as tiny as Kurt remembers it - and boy, does he remember it - and his ass is just as - No, not going there, Kurt scolds himself mentally.

"I went to get a Master Music history, instrumentology and musical composition" he explains, the sweater following the trenchcoat on the chair, revealing Blaine’s black tank top. "One of my professors was a consultant for Bonhams, and he got me an internship in their Memorabilia department. I just got scooted by Sotheby’s for the Music, Continental Books and Manuscripts department so … here I am" he concludes, putting his hands in his pockets.

"So here you are," Kurt replies softly before shaking his head, turning on the professional swtich. "Did you have an idea of what you want ? I have a portfolio full of ideas if you -" he starts, not looking at Blaine as he pulls his different brinders from under the counter, stopping when Blaine puts his hand on top of his.

"Kurt," he says, his voice begging Kurt to listen to him at least "can’t we talk ? I know I hurt you back then, but can’t we just be friends again ?" he asks and Kurt doesn’t know what to say. "I missed you in my life, Kurt - not just the physical parts but all of what we had, and I know -"

"You know nothing, Blaine" Kurt says slowly, deliberately taking his hand off from under Blaine’s hand. "You don’t know what you put me through and you don’t know half of the pain I still have in my heart. Now, do you know what you want to get ?" he asks, enunciating each word distinctly from the others.

Blaine huffs before pulling a card from his jeans pocket. “Can you do that ?”

Kurt would laugh if the situation was not so complicated; of all the things Blaine could have brought him as a model, he had to pick a [Tarot card](http://www.tarotteachings.com/images/0-Fool.jpg).

And the Fool, nonetheless.

"Of course I can" he says, pulling his sketchbook between them before rolling his sleeves, as he usually does. "It’s going to take several sessions to be perfect though - where do you want to get it ?" he says quietly before looking up when Blaine gasps.

His eyes are on Kurt’s forearm, on his tattoos - particularly on his roses tattoo.

Damn it.

"Kurt," Blaine starts, but Kurt won’t let him go any further.

"Where do you want it, Blaine ?" he asks again, trying to keep himself together.

Blaine’s hand rises to touch the knot of his shoulder and Kurt nods. “You should go for a walk or get yourself a coffee at the place on the corner,” - the place that makes the worst drip I’ve ever tasted, he thinks privately - “I need some time to make you a sketch of what I can do with that concept.”

His tone is final and Blaine nods, his face unreadable. He puts on his coat and turns to look at Kurt - in the door’s shadow, he looks very much like a Caravaggio dark angel - with a sad smile. “I’ll be back in 20 minutes ?” he says, his voice going high on a question and Kurt nods in reply.

—

Twenty minutes later to the second, Blaine pushes the door once more, holding a coffee cup from another place - Kurt’s favorite coffee place, as a matter of fact.

He raises one eyebrow but can’t help the smile that stretches his lips.

"I got you a mocha" Blaine simply says and there is nothing more to add. "Now let me see what you came up with" he adds, shrugging the coat once more off his shoulders.

The drawing is still in black and white, but Kurt has used his model well : the young man’s profile, the Fool himself, looks a lot like Blaine’s, but all the other elements have been simplified to their minimum, leaving the subject delicate and complex.

Blaine’s mouth shapes into a O as he looks at the drawing before looking back at Kurt. “I know that whatever you’d choose to do, you’d be talented but - wow,” Blaine says, his tone anything but admirative.

Kurt lets his smile widen at the praise - he knows he’s good, but compliments never go unappreciated.

"Get on the chair then, Anderson" he replies, gesturing toward the other room.

As Blaine passes next to him, Kurt glances at his back on his way to close the door with his usual message about being with a customer.

His shoulders are straightened - ramrod straight, in fact, a sure sign that Blaine is apprehensive. Kurt curses his brain for remembering such unimportant details, even though they felt like the most important things at the time.

"Relax," Kurt says as Blaine hops on the leather chair. "The more relaxed you are, the easier it will be" he adds, pulling his tray carrying his tools, cotton balls and antiseptic bottle.

Blaine takes a deep breath and closes his eyes; Kurt watches from the corner of his eyes as Blaine seems to breath all of his tensions out while he soaks a cotton ball with the alcohol.

When Blaine opens his eyes and gives him a smile, Kurt cleans all of Blaine’s shoulder, forcing himself not to stray on the color of the smooth skin, holding more moles than he remembers, or the strength of the muscles under his latex covered fingers.

"All clean" Blaine says childishly when Kurt throws the cotton in the trashcan.

Kurt smirks in answer before turning his needle on. Blaine gulps at the light humming noise but doesn’t move back or looks more nervous than a second before.

And Kurt gets to work.

—

As he predicted, the complete tattoo requires 4 different sessions to be complete.

As he didn’t anticipate, it’s easier to talk to Blaine than to anybody else in his life.

Like all he needed to close the wounds in his heart was to talk to that boy - nay, that man, to let him back in his life in some capacity.

Like Blaine’s presence is the balm to appease the tattoo he let on Kurt’s heart.

Just like they used to, they talk about everything and anything, the joys of working in a bustling auction house, the wonders of being a seasoned New Yorker. Kurt forces himself to ask about Blaine’s dates, though it is a dead end - not much to talk about, according to Blaine - and talks about his own relationships - as few as they’ve been - with a constant blush on his cheeks.

When their last session arrives, Kurt doesn’t want to let go, and for more reasons than the perfection that is Blaine’s skin.

All is left is the flowers in the Fool’s hand and Blaine hasn’t decided yet if he wanted to keep it void, with just the color of his skin coloring it, or if he wants colors.

Blaine looks at him in silent as Kurt prepares his needle for the stem - in any case, he’ll have to do that, but it won’t take long - before speaking up.

"Yellow and red".

Kurt looks over his shoulder. “Yellow and red then” he says, trying to get over the knot in his throat.

Blaine is silent for the remaining of the session and soon - too soon -, Kurt pulls away. “And voilà !” he exclaims, letting Blaine look at his shoulder before applying the gauze.

"It’s wonderful" Blaine says reverently, his eyes searching Kurt’s with a deep emotion in their depth that Kurt refuses to aknowledge.

"You’ll need to come back in two weeks, to make sure that everything is settling properly and so I can take a picture of it for my portfolio - if you don’t mind, that is" Kurt says as he takes off his gloves.

"Of course" Blaine says, gingerly putting his hoodie back on.

"Here, let me help" Kurt says, taking two strides to come behind Blaine and pull the sweater on his shoulders. His hands land on either side of Blaine’s neck and he lets them rest there for a moment, letting himself enjoying the feeling of Blaine’s warmth under his palms.

"I don’t want to wait two weeks before seeing you again" Blaine whispers out of the blue and Kurt tightens his fingers on Blaine’s shoulders unvoluntarily.

Before he can figuratively gag himself, he can hear himself replying “Me neither”.

Blaine turns to look at him and Kurt buries his hands in his pockets to keep them from reaching for Blaine - or from cupping his face, or from pulling him toward his chest …

"I feel like I’m breathing again," Blaine says fervently, "and I know that we’re not back together, that we’ll probably never be because I hurt you too badly for you to ever trust me again but," Blaine takes a breath, "but I need you in my life. Let me be your friend - I was pretty good in that part, wasn’t I ?" he asks, cocking his head to the side.

Kurt gives him a crooked smile. “What are you doing, auditioning for the role of best friend ?” he jokes but from the way Blaine’s eyes don’t stray from his, he can tell that the other man heard the truth in his words.

"Yes - if I have to prove to you that you can trust me back in your life as your best friend, I will" Blaine says, his voice strong and confident.

Kurt takes one step closer to Blaine. “Riddle me this, Anderson,” he says slowly, turning his eyes to their feet, “if I trust you to be my friend again, what’s stopping me from trusting you in any other capacity ?”

Blaine swallows but remains where he stands. “That’s up to you - I never stopped loving you, as far as I’m concerned, and as long as you’re not getting married, I won’t stop loving you” he says quietly, the truth in his words impossible to deny.

Kurt takes another step, his toes grazing Blaine’s. “We’ll see” he whispers before taking a step to the side to walk out of the room.

In time, he knows that they’ll go back together.

He just needs to let the balm act on the first scar before getting a new tattoo.


End file.
